Hi Girls, I am extremely thrilled to share today’s nail art with you. It is not because I think in anyway that they are my best, no I think I may have done better. And I can do better.
But these are my first ‘freehand’ and ‘inspired’ nails after my 4 months of delivery break. I am not sure how I can put this to relate-able words; but after seeing my swollen shivering fingers & aching back during pregnancy, chopped nails after delivery ,ugly figure and being a mother before a girl life; the confidence to do the usual, dress the usual, look the usual subtly vanished. I had long spells of depression thinking ‘ Will I be ever able to do this, wear that, feel this, enjoy that and lastly but most importantly ‘Will I ever be able to be ME’?A large part of being me comes from the way I dress me and my nails. Its a no-brainer that these are the hardest hit areas after pregnancy.
In sometime, I slowly started shedding weight without practically doing anything.I also started doing nails on my usual grown claws when Smayan was 4 months old. That gave me some relief and confidence that I am moving towards ‘Me’. However, the kind of nails I was doing inspite of being pretty were not very me. I was more onto stamping that freehand.
Now stamping is equally creative and there is no harm doing stamping only nails. And as a new mommy we have acute shortage of time. I always paint and do art on both hands making it further challenging. So stamping seemed the right choice, actually the best choice. Atleast I was doing decent nails almost twice a week which is in self is a miracle.
What hurt me was the real reason of switching almost completely to stamping -The ‘loss’ of confidence doing freehand. The moment I would hold the brush my hands would shiver. I don’t know why. I would keep it back every time and pull out my stamping kits. This kept on happening for a couple of months. I know, I shouldn’t have worried so much because even if I could possibly paint freehand there was no time . The mere thought of shivering fingers and brushes not taking my command shrank my heart.
One day a friend of mine, Mithila from Nailpolishplay.com; shared picture of actual Van Gough painting from her visit to museum. I was intrigued by the painting, I knew it was out of my league but still I saved the image. Without making any self promises of being able to do this correctly, I sat down one night alone with my brushes and paints. I told my self, if I am not able to do this today, I would quietly sleep and forget about the failure next morning. No sobbing absolutely.
Maybe the release of pressure and expectation made me go easy with the brushes. And though they do justice in no amount to the original painting or what potentially I could have drawn, I am happy the way they turned out. It was sufficient to help me progress in baby steps towards ‘me’.
PS: I know the post speaks much more about me than my nails; but I needed to get this out. Sometimes we beat ourselves by over expecting from us. I would love to hear your stories or any such experiences. It feels good to know – ‘I am not the only one’.